Stalemate...

Ah, well, decided to write another post!

Not exactly sure why, though. Especially now that Google+ is gone, there's virtually no way for anyone to stumble across this blog...not unless I start spamming my posts on my personal social media. Which, I could! But that would mean bringing several posts about my struggles with weight and HS to 'real life' people that I know...as brave as I consider myself to be, I don't really want that. Not right now, anyway. [Probably not ever, if I'm being honest]

No real changes in the day-to-day life we've got going on.

I'm getting ready to take a 'big' step in my job, and quite nervous about it. Been dragging my feet for far too long, though. And, being frank, my family needs me to do this so that I can potentially increase my income. It's probably the only way we'll ever make real strides towards 'doing better.' At least to the degree that I'd like!

I'm still waiting on Monday to start my diet [haha]. It needs to happen though. I'm delusional enough to think I can maintain my crappy eating habits and lifestyle and just magically lose weight. But let's face it: eating is just so much better than exercising. Well, it's easier.

I think that being much thinner would have so many positive effects in my life...most of them revolving around self-esteem, which I could use almost desperately.

So then, what am I waiting for?

I dunno.

Ha. And I wonder why I haven't done anything with my adult life.

Setbacks and Baby Steps...

So...what's been going on these past few months?

Well.

Somewhere around the beginning of February, I fell off of the AIP wagon pretty hard....and have made no real attempts to get back on. Shameful, I know.

I've got the willpower of a wet noodle...

I was/am frustrated with seeing no real, consistent results with my HS and decided that it didn't seem worth the trouble to maintain an AIP diet. Now, truthfully, I did lose some weight on the diet...somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-18 lbs, which is fantastic for a month. Since stopping the diet, I can tell that I've gained some of it back [going off of how my jeans feel, tbh], but I don't think I've gained it all back....maybe. I dunno. I got fed up with my horrible bathroom scale [it never gave a consistent reading...it would vary as much as 5 lbs within minutes!] and the one I got to replace it was even worse. I'm currently on the lookout for a reliable, affordable bathroom scale...any recommendations?

Sad thing is, since Februrary, I've been making weak-hearted declarative statements of getting back on a modified AIP diet, but always 'starting on Monday.' Aaaand several Mondays have come and gone, and here I sit, still considering starting a 'serious' diet again. On Monday.

A smidge of good news, though! This week, the kiddo and I have made a great effort to become more active! I've started going on evening walks with him...we're starting slow, walking about 15-20 minutes around our apartment complex. Might seem like virtually nothing to most people, but it's a good first step for us! [We've been shamefully sedentary for way too long, so I feel like easing into an exercise routine is probably the safest bet...I think if we immediately stepped into something too grueling, we'd both be put off by it and would probably quit!]

What else...*ponders*

I'm making progress at work. I'm thiiiiiiis close to wrapping up some personal goals! I'll consider writing about it once it's all said and done.

Oh! In the last month or so, my husband and I decided to do some 'financial restructuring.' Even though we've been married for almost a year and a half, we never made the transition, financially. We finally went and created a joint checking account for 'family finances' and came up with a concrete savings plan, and I'm so glad! If I'm being honest, it was getting more than tedious to constantly be sending each other money for bills and such....or to be standing at the cash register and have to tell the cashier that we're splitting the grocery total...it was fine for while we were dating, but I thought that it was probably odd for a married couple. So yeah, that's changed! It's our first month fully joining accounts. I figure it will probably take a good 3-4 months for everything to 'normalize' and for joint finances not to feel so foreign...but I think its' a good change, right?

Aside from that, I don't think there's really been much going on.

My hidradenitis is still terrible and persistent, but I don't think it's getting much worse. [Definitely not any better, though]

Yeah. I guess that's about it!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend, and I will try not to be such a stranger anymore ^_^

Still Here (Somewhere)...

Good morning! 

It's been ages since I've posted, but I'm still around ^_^ 

In the next couple of days, I'll come up with the motivation to write an update post, but I'm currently at work and don't have the time right now.

Instead, I'll leave you with the newest Taylor Swift music video, with which I am currently quasi-obsessed. [My husband and I don't really have a song, but I think this one is a pretty strong contender!]

Will write again soon!

Progress - Week 3...

Apologies, I'm a little bit late writing the update for this week. I've had a rather busy day and am just now finding time to sit down and write!

I've been a baaaaad dieter...

Just being honest, this week was not the best for me and my AIP diet. The weekdays were fine, I stuck with the 'approved foods' list really well! The weekend, however, was not quite the same. My husband and I were out running errands Saturday and ended up still being out and about at lunch time...and, of course, I didn't have salad or sweet potatoes with me. We debated a few different food options and ended up going to Panera. I got a half salad and soup combo...not terrible, but definitely not AIP approved. The rest of Saturday, I tried to make up for my lunch transgressions...I did a good job! Well, up until the evening....then my husband revealed that he'd brought home some banana pudding from work on Friday. Sooo, I had to have some. I mean, it's inhumane to subject a person to banana pudding temptations!

Sunday, I had a totally non-AIP breakfast. I didn't even try to stay compliant. And I felt pretty lousy about it for the rest of the day. The rest of the day was 100% AIP though!

Now, today was another 100% AIP day. Perhaps even more than before! I finally bit the bullet and cut out all diet sodas! [I practically thrive on Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi...I'm not constantly guzzling them, but I do typically have at least one a day, mostly for the caffeine] So! Now I'm back to eating 'clean' and drinking only water....hooray.

I'm hoping that a renewed gusto for sticking to the AIP plan will help with HS symptoms. My flares this week definitely reflect that I've been haphazard with my diet.

I totally felt like Lurch, I couldn't
turn my head!

- HS symptoms: This week started off pretty 'okay' but quickly spiraled into 'much worse' as I started deviating from the diet plan. I had a super painful knot pop up at the base of my skull and stay there for several days. You never realize just how much you move your head around until it's excruciating to do so! Virtually all of my flares that appeared to be healing got worse this week, most of them started bleeding and draining. And I think I counted 2 or 3 new ones. Oh, it was a super fun week. [sarcasm]

- Mood: I feel like my mood had improved this week. I would say that I feel like I'm craving certain foods less, but I guess that's hard to gauge, seeing as I didn't exactly have a strict week. It's still frustrating to not be able to eat 'normally' and to have to plan and eat at home all of the time. I miss the convenience of 'quick' foods probably more than anything else! It doesn't make it any easier that my husband and kiddo aren't doing AIP with me...I guess they're trying to make things easy for me...?? I don't know. I've just about given up even thinking of ways to say how I'm feeling about it to them. It's not worth the conflict.

- Weight: This week was a total bust when it comes to weight. The scale is not my friend! This week resulted in 1 lb gained back. However! I'd like to attribute that partly to my wonderful, monthly female cycle. I know that it being 'that time of the month' can cause us ladies to hold a bit more water weight....so that could be part of the problem, right? Right?! **sigh** I'm going to be super good about my diet this week and I'll do my best to come back with better numbers next week.

- Overall thoughts: I feel really lousy for not having the willpower to stick with this diet. I feel 10000% confident that it's a tough diet. It's so strict and has almost no room for error, whatsoever! However, I fancy myself to be a strong-willed, fierce gal....and yet, I can't seem to stick with it for more than 2 weeks. I feel as if this past week more or less undoes all of my progress so far and I'm back starting at square one. It's a horrible feeling, and I know that I've brought it upon myself. I will get my butt in gear and get better about it though!

Anticipate some sort of mid-week updates in a few days. Hopefully I'll find some motivation to write a few posts about non-AIP topics soon, too!

So Maybe It's Working...

Okay, so I feel like I need to be completely honest about how the whole AIP diet is going...including if and when I mess up...so here goes!

Totally me right now...

Over the long weekend, I decided to give myself an 'allowance day.' On Monday, I was feeling particularly frustrated with the diet, it's restrictions, and my lack of perceived progress. The day started with sneaking a bit of biscuit with my breakfast and ended up with me allowing myself to have a 'cheat' dinner. [Pretty sure I stuck to the AIP books for lunch that day, though!] And then I had a small portion of rice with Tuesday night's dinner.

Now, if this were an ordinary, calorie reduction diet, a cheat day is not a horrible idea! In fact, I remember having them more or less built into certain diet plans that I've done before...I think it was the grapefruit diet, maybe?

So, what effects, if any, did straying from the AIP diet at this point have?

Well, coincidence or not, my HS symptoms actually got worse. Not, like, tragically worse [thank goodness], but it's definitely noticeable. One of my trouble spots that has been dormant for a good while [4-6 weeks] has decided to give me some problems as of yesterday. Kind of a bummer, but I can't say that it wasn't expected. In a weird way, though, it kind of gives me a bit of affirmation that the AIP diet is probably helping me more than I realized.

Now, because I did cheat with more than one food and at a couple different times, it's nearly impossible for me to pinpoint which food is the cause of the trouble....or if the food is really the cause at all!

But! For the time being, I've decided to go back to being strictly on the AIP diet and I hope that my HS symptoms will continue to improve!

Full updates on this week's AIP progress on Monday, check back then!

Progress - Week 2...

Week 2 of implementing the AIP diet is officially over, here's the weekly progress update!

I don't know if it's typical or not, but I still find myself missing a lot of the foods that aren't approved on the diet. It's not a constant thing, but it's definitely still there. It's worst while I'm watching TV in the evenings with my family....there are so many commercials for food! I'd say the Olive Garden commercials are the one that make me the most sad about the AIP diet. I guess it's a good thing I usually watch Netflix rather than TV!

Another week of AIP food...

The hardest thing about the AIP diet, aside from TV commercials, is the lack of convenience. I really dislike the fact that I can no longer just come home and have 'whatever' for dinner...running late from the kiddo's Tae Kwon Do class? No stopping and picking something up! I have to go home and see what meat, veggies, and starchy veggies I have pre-made in the fridge. Don't have anything pre-made and ready to heat up? Then I guess I'm cooking! It's really a drag. And it keeps me in the kitchen sooooo much more than I was before I started AIP.

I'm also finding that it's quite expensive! Probably because I can't fill my plate with inexpensive grains or breads anymore. Now that 3/4 of my plate at every meal is some sort of veggie, I'm having to buy a ton of vegetables with every trip to the grocery store. Yes, yes, I know that "you shop for what's on sale." But, can you honestly say that buying 5 lbs of vegetables is going to cost the same as buying a bag of rice or loaf of bread? No. No it's not. And there are 2, 3, sometimes 4 trips to the grocery store a week because we run out of my 'diet approved foods.' Everything adds up!

Alrighty. I could complain about AIP stuff all day long, so I'm just going to cut to this past week's results:

- HS symptoms: This week was much worse than the week prior. I've had 4 flares that have required bandaging for most of the week due to draining/bleeding. 4 of my 6 typical trouble spots are currently bothersome, which is no better than last week, but no worse. I had two new flares develop, one is still giving me trouble and one has already drained. Overall, not enough improvement for me to say that the AIP diet is helping.

#mood

- Mood: I'm still periodically irritable. I find myself getting frustrated when I feel like my husband and other family members aren't being understanding of all the AIP diet changes...but I'm thinking that it'll get better as everyone gets used to what I can and cannot have.

- Weight: this morning, I'm down 6.4 lbs since I started on AIP. [That's down .6 lb from last week] I've got to be honest, I'm extremely frustrated. I don't know why the number moved so much the first week and hardly any the second. I know that my diet has improved significantly and that my portion sizes are much smaller than pre-AIP. I'm almost not snacking at all, but when I do, it's fruits or carrots! I don't know...I guess I was expecting some miraculous, scale-melting numbers, but it's just so... slow!! I know that 6 lbs in 2 weeks is probably great, especially without adding any exercise into the mix...but I was hoping for more!

- Goals: I'd decided to set my first goal/reward at 15 lbs. I think I'm going to allow myself to [temporarily] dye my hair some fun, funky color. After the first week's stellar weight progress, I thought it was going to be a super easy and quick goal to reach. Now? Maybe not so much. Keep your eyes peeled for a post with a photo of my with blue hair...it'll be here, eventually!

- Overall thoughts: I'm starting to wonder if the AIP diet is going to be helpful enough for my hidradenitis to be worth it. If in another week or two, I don't see some positive changes in my HS symptoms, I'm going to consider 'downgrading' my diet to something more 'normal.'

More updates soon, check back in a day or two!

It's Tough...

Today is an exceptionally hard day for me, so far.

I'll be honest, I feel rather silly posting this only 10 days into adopting the AIP diet...but it's true! The urge to stray from the list of 'approved foods' is strong today.

I think it's because there's been a massive uptick of stress in the last 24 hours...maybe?

Me, internally

Or maybe it's because this diet sucks. It's frankly not fair to have to sacrifice so many different foods and seasonings just because my body is dysfunctional. I'm not typically one to whine about things that are out of my control, but if I don't vent, I feel like I'll burst!

I'm also frustrated because my HS symptoms are currently much worse than day 1 of this diet. Much worse. Controlling my HS flares is the whole reason for going on the very strict AIP elimination diet. If I were only wanting to lose weight, I'd do a much more lenient 'normal' diet! I did some reading on how AIP diets can improve HS symptoms yesterday....the article said that it can take weeks or months before you start seeing real results. Months!!! Sorry, I am not a patient lady and I don't know if I can stick it out for months before this diet plan is worth all of the trouble.

***Sigh***

I came thiiiiiiiis close to stopping and getting a doughnut this morning. Like, infinitesimally close.

But...

I resisted. And now I'm sitting at my desk, at work, pouting and internally warring with myself while trying to find a position to comfortably sit and not aggravate my bleeding flares.

Guys, this is horrible. Hidradenitis is, I mean.

Send me positive vibes, please! I'm definitely on the struggle bus today.